December 10th, 2015

December 10th, 2015.

 

Fifteen more days until Christmas,

Twenty-Two more days until the New Year.

What’s so special about that day?

 

 An ordinary day for most, but for me? It marks one of the most important days of my life. December 10th, 2015, God spoke to me. When he spoke, I heard him so clearly, as if he was standing directly next to my ear. I heard him speak so softly and gentle, as he knew where I was mentally. But when he spoke I only heard one word.

Grow.

Grow? What does that mean God? Where do I have to grow? Tell me more. How am I supposed to grow?  

God went silent. I was fresh out of the shower, and I was standing there looking myself in the mirror. A moment of self-reflection. A moment of vulnerability. A moment of questioning who I am. As I stood there, my eyes drifted to my hair. I stared at my hair, ran my fingers through my hair, and took pride in my hair. My hair at the time was my pride and joy. It was going on two years that I had been growing my hair, and it was a healthy length. I felt as if my hair defined me. I thought that my hair would give me clout, get me some hoes, make me stand out.

As I toyed with my hair, I then understood how God wanted me to grow. I had to cut my hair. Cutting my hair would symbolize starting from ground zero. I would create a new person that solely seeks to better themselves with each day. After that day, that is exactly what I did. Did I make mistakes? Yes. Did I have some setbacks? Yes. Did I slip into depression? Definitely. But one thing I did not do was give up. That’s where I demonstrated the most growth. I spent my time working to get better and doing things that would please God, and ultimately myself, and this lead to me feeling a sense of growth and improvement.

Today, as I reflect on my journey, I can see how much I have changed in this year and two months. Of course my hair has grown back (healthier too!), but also I have made huge improvements with my struggles spiritually, mentally, and physically. Even academically, I have made some strides to help myself in the long run.

But why tell this story? Not everybody’s the same.

This story is meant to help that one person out there that is struggling to find themselves. During this time in my life, I was struggling the most mentally. I was consisting battling depression and suicidal thoughts. I had to grow out of depression. I had to grow into happiness. I had to grow into my relationship with God. I am telling this story in hopes of helping someone see their potential. Growing is a difficult task, but when you’re ready to grow it will be one of the best experiences in your life.

The theme for this series of blogs will be entitled Growth. I will examine different themes of growth, whether it is in my own life, music, sports, or any other sectors. I hope that one of these blogs touches you and gives you something to talk about. Feel free to leave a comment.

 

Issa Blog

As I began thinking about starting a blog, I asked myself two simple questions: “what the hell am I going to talk about?” and “who wants to read some of my crappy writing?” All these negative thoughts entered my brain and I started rethinking this idea of a blog.

“What does a blog consist of?”

“What if I run out of things to talk about?”

“I don’t have an interesting story to tell to the world.”

I’d sit down here and stare at my laptop with the most blank expression on my face… Then I’d play some music and get distracted and forget about the blog post. This scenario happened at least 5 times within the last three days. Each time I’d sit here and try to write this really elaborate blog post, I’d feel like it just wasn’t me. I was pretending to be someone that wrote these corny posts, so I can gain readership fast. I was pretending to be someone that has been in the game for a long time (clearly I haven’t but stick with me here.) But today, as I went through ANOTHER day of writer’s block, I remembered that as a 12-year-old child I already had my own website. Of course, this prompted me to look at my website and see how far I’ve come (larryboy1995.tripod.com). As I explored my old website, I found myself laughing at the corny things that I said as 12-year-old. It was “adorable” to think of myself as little Jalen, but then I began to think about something deeper; what happened to that kid that tried things? None of my friends at 12-years-old had their own website. None of my friends even thought that was cool as child. But then I didn’t care. I created my own website and I worked diligently to put it out to the public. What happened to that kid that didn’t care about what his friends thought and sought only to better himself?

As I browsed through the site on my phone, I found a feeling of joy filling my heart. Jalen Larry at 12-years-old was an innovator. Jalen Larry was someone that took pride in something that hardly anyone would ever see. Jalen Larry told his story and took pride in his story, his city, and his family. Jalen Larry took his writing at 12-years-old and put it on the internet for others to read.

Maybe through the creation of Coach Jay Larry or Jay Larry, just maybe, Jalen Larry was pushed to the side. Maybe that’s why writing this blog has become a difficult task rather than a free-flowing experience.

As I finished viewing my old site, I was then able to see what this blog should consist of; this blog should be about me getting back to who that child was years ago. This blog should consist of my growth as a human being, but also reaching back into that boyish joy. Falling in love with reading and writing. Putting all my ideas on paper and thinking about it thoroughly. My writing shouldn’t be limited to what the world wants me to talk about. My writing should consist of my deepest thoughts, no matter the topic. My writing should be about improving myself with each post. Different styles, different topics, different stories.

For the first time in ten years, I can see myself as Jalen Larry, blogger. I can see who I used to be, and focus on what I want to be. Those dreams and aspirations I had as a child are now vivid in my mind. 2017 is a year in which I will be able to connect my growth as an adult back to the boyish joy and creativity that I had at 12-years-old. This is my promise to myself.

 

Welcome to my blog. I hope you enjoy your stay. Leave some comments.